You have to develop thick skin to stomach all the bloodshed and vengeance documented in the Bible. And the fact that God seemingly used human life as the currency to pay the debt of dishonoring Him. But today I couldn’t do it. I read Rizpah’s story, shut my Bible, and cried.

When I was a little girl, I’d get ready for church every Sunday by standing in the bathroom on the toilet lid while my dad brushed my hair into a side ponytail. Church was part of our weekly routine and I grew up with the Bible feeling familiar and approachable.

In case you haven't noticed, some Christians are hypocrites. If you think that's bad, just wait. It gets worse. It's not just that it's some Christians, it's all Christians. We are ALL hypocrites.

And as much as I believe the heart's in the right place when we say we want more of God, I think this phrase itself is... seriously flawed.

When Jeremy died, people told me to trust God. At first it was encouraging. And then it just got irritating.

God prioritizes spiritual wholeness over physical wholeness. But for those of us suffering pain or brokenness in our bodies, or grieving a life lost, that answer sucks.

Well it's done. I'm officially thirty. Three life lessons come into focus as I reflect…

The grenade markings are still on the ground by the front doors. The tin roof is still riddled with bullet holes- allowing thin beams of sun into the brick church sanctuary. The linen laying over the alter is still stained with blood.

So last week I attempted to live as if Jesus was coming back on Sunday. I can’t way that I changed much last week. I wrote some letters to people I love the most… but how would I live differently?