The loss of reason in our culture
Tom Williams - CQ Roll Call Pool
Reasonable.
I can’t shake this word. With all the hearings and media coverage and social media posts about Judge Kavanaugh and Dr Ford, I keep coming back to this word: reasonable.
It is not reasonable to assume guilt.
My white privilege got a real kick in the a** while reading Bryan Stevenson’s book Just Mercy - where he reveals undeniable racism in our judicial system. Guilt is assumed and consequences are unequal because gluttony of power is adulterating justice. And yet, despite our failings, our country’s judicial foundation lies on one honorable value: innocent until proven guilty.
This is our true north, our hope, especially for those who have been unfairly charged or accused. This year my friend was charged with sexual abuse. He is innocent. To honor their privacy, I won’t go into details, but it’s been absolutely heart-wrenching for their family. The consequences (pre-trial) are wide and deep. And before he could even respond to the charges, the people decided: PIECE OF SHI*T. LET HIM ROT IN JAIL.
Friends, this can’t be right. We’re foolish to think this couldn’t happen to any one of us. Any woman can say anything about my husband or yours and our lives would be dismantled overnight. Unreal.
It is also not reasonable to expect women to immediately (or otherwise) report abuse, especially when the legal system has failed them over and over and over again.
Who can victims trust when rapist get lean sentences after being proven guilty? If they speak up, who will protect them? Who will believe them? Who will blame them because of the hem of their skirt or the shots in their drink? (It is reasonable for victims, and their supporters, to be angry.) The fact that someone would use this as an argument against Dr Ford baffles me.
Good golly, friends. This is heavy and confusing. And it has me thinking: why is being reasonable so challenging for us?
If I had to speculate, it’s two things: pain and pride.
Pain is a powerful filter. Feelings and reactions are more impulsive as we lose capacity for grace, reasonableness, and patience. In my greatest seasons of suffering my pain has brought stronger purpose but also dark shadows that keep me angry, skeptical, and afraid. I can pinpoint moments where pain has kept me from seeing things clearly and accurately.
And pride. Defending our pride makes us unreasonable too. We read what we want to read (to affirm our opinions). We see what we want to see (to affirm our opinions). We gather with like minded-people (to affirm our opinions). Because defending our opinion (our political party?) is more important than listening, understanding and empathy towards others.
Today I feel gross.
I feel social pressure to choose between “believing women” (making victims feel heard and cared for) and suspending judgment (“innocent until proven guilty”).
And the fact those are the only two choices is absurd.
Another indicator that we’ve lost our reasonableness. So I’ll end my thoughts on a question I think we should all ask: What do we want? Because if you want to gather with others in unison, feeling belonging and acceptance, then being reasonable doesn’t really matter. If feeling ‘together’ is what you need most, I get it.
But if you want to influence others in what you believe to be right and true, if you want to be heard and engage with all people, you must be reasonable. Your credibility in the collective broader conversation depends on it.
Because honestly, if you voted for Trump but don’t acknowledge his moral failings, that's not being reasonable. And this week, if you immediately drew conclusions to side with a woman just because she’s a woman, that's not being reasonable. Because being misunderstood is my greatest fear, and because you won’t see me wave the banner of ‘believe women’, I want to be crystal clear on a few things: I support victims. I am inspired by their bravery. We should be angry at our broken judicial system. Cycles of silence, shame and blame need to stop. Abusers should be scared: truth will come out.
Period.