“[There is] a haziness, a veil that covers the American Western Church. A Christian culture that preaches prosperity as reward, comfort over conviction, emotional verse-plucking over Biblical literacy, unity that requires uniformity, cliques on Sundays instead doing life with neighbors, political wars masquerading as spiritual wars, behavior modification over spiritual transformation, Jesus’ friendliness more than God’s justice, and perhaps the most destructive and most enticing, moral relativism over God’s authority. Yes, even in the church.

You have to develop thick skin to stomach all the bloodshed and vengeance documented in the Bible. And the fact that God seemingly used human life as the currency to pay the debt of dishonoring Him. But today I couldn’t do it. I read Rizpah’s story, shut my Bible, and cried.

It’s no surprise then that you get a defensive, fearful, stubborn group of believers voting for someone who promises to change the system. Heels dig in. Walls go up. Opinions get stubborn. Lines are drawn. Not only that, many internalize that war not just against them personally and their values, but against God Himself. Battle on. Not me, though.

When I was a little girl, I’d get ready for church every Sunday by standing in the bathroom on the toilet lid while my dad brushed my hair into a side ponytail. Church was part of our weekly routine and I grew up with the Bible feeling familiar and approachable.

Just at the edge of Kigali, a city that swells to 3 million people during the workday, is the bustling bus depot. As the diesel fumes from large work trucks burn your nostrils and you navigate through the sea of red helmets of moto-drivers, you finally break through to the countryside.

So I put the words "You are worthy of love" on yard signs to defeat shame and thousands of people all over the US have seen this message. But, there's a problem. You aren't worthy of love. 

In case you haven't noticed, some Christians are hypocrites. If you think that's bad, just wait. It gets worse. It's not just that it's some Christians, it's all Christians. We are ALL hypocrites.

I was getting nervous, the excited-butterflies kind, as our two-car caravan navigated the unmarked dusty roads in Mbabe, Rwanda. We were almost there.

Picking and choosing when we obey based on how we feel or what we want. That is Christian hypocrisy. A wild faith in an unseen holy God deserving our full love and pursuit - and yet willful disobedience…

There was an armed guard, a needle exchange van in the parking lot, men congregating outside, and naloxone nasal spray in the office down the hall. Not my typical Friday night scene.

And as much as I believe the heart's in the right place when we say we want more of God, I think this phrase itself is... seriously flawed.

When Jeremy died, people told me to trust God. At first it was encouraging. And then it just got irritating.

God prioritizes spiritual wholeness over physical wholeness. But for those of us suffering pain or brokenness in our bodies, or grieving a life lost, that answer sucks.

So bottom line: people were hurt. And that's what inspired this letter. To acknowledge something I think a lot of Christians don't think through. Our moral positions may hurt others.

Despite knowing it was going to be difficult, despite feeling insecure about a bald head, despite the significance of this milestone in her journey - she invited her close friends to a head shaving 'party'.

"Have your opinions on gay marriage changed over the last 5 years?" I posed this question to my close (and very conservative) friends while devouring chips, guacamole and sipping strawberry lime margaritas.

I've always been more of a truth-follower. Black and white. Living this way has put me at odds with our culture, which is much more focused on one aspect of grace: acceptance. 'Let's all be open minded'.

I refuse to be mindless in any faith I possess.I refuse to swallow whatever is spoon-fed me.I will be mindful. I will challenge. I will ask.

So last week I attempted to live as if Jesus was coming back on Sunday. I can’t way that I changed much last week. I wrote some letters to people I love the most… but how would I live differently?